Saturday, 8 October 2016

Saturday, 27 August 2016

When our reality slips

Today I went for a walk with Goldie.
It was in an area I'm not so familiar with
A country park with many different paths or routes you can take.
I have been there before,
Quite a few times,
But its not so familiar that I can just walk it automatically
Without thinking of where I am going,
So as I am partially sighted and get lost easily
I look out for landmarks at every turn.
And then I am safe
I can find my way.
So today I followed that pattern
And it worked!
I walked to where I wanted
And everything made sense.
And then I turned back
Happy that my walk was going so well
That Goldie was having fun
And soon I'd be home with a nice cup of tea.
But suddenly I reached a point
That should have looked familiar but was not.
I searched for my landmark but it wasn't there.
How could it not be?
Would I find it if I went that way?
And I started to walk across a field
But nothing looked right
So I went back to the path
And followed it
But didn't recognise all the tall bushes and trees either side.
Surely it had just been open fields when I came the other way?
Just half an hour before?.
How could I be lost when I'd only just done this walk?
How could familiar things suddenly seem so alien?
But I carried on following that path
And suddenly the confusion lifted.
I saw my landmark.
I was not lost at all,
I'd just had a blip
And forgotten
For a moment.
And now I was so happy to know where I was again.
And suddenly I thought, that little blip of lostness
Must be like the tiniest glimpse.
Of the confusion that begins to set in
And the familiar landmarks of life go out one by one.
And suddenly you don't know quite who you are
Or where you live
Or who is your best friend, or son or wife.
And you pick up your favourite book
Only to find you can't read it anymore
And you glance at the clock to see the time
But what do those figures and hands mean?

Friday, 26 August 2016

Growing through frustration

I've felt frustrated this week.  So many plans in my head at the beginning of the week, only to be thwarted by so many little mundane things going on.  Tiny things in themselves but seeming to take a long time to get sorted out.  Like one morning I planned to get up and get stuck into my writing only to have Marilyn burst into my room saying that a casserole dish had smashed over the floor!  The glass was in smithereens so took a long time to clear as had to be certain with 2 dogs that there were no splinters hiding under the cupboards!  Another morning Marilyn was trying to find something in a bedroom drawer, asked me to help her and when I put my hand in to rummage I discovered it was full od gunge from a leaked bottle of shower gel!  the entire drawer and contents needed clearing out and wiping clean!  We are also having decorating done

Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Re statting the journey

I am returning today to being on a journey.  I must rediscover my faith. Where have I left it?  Where is my God?  Where am I?  I am reading a novel called 'I closed my eyes' about a little girl gone missing and its as if I have closed my eyes to God and ti what it means to kive in faith and love.  
I will be on a journey again and will try to make note of every part.  Now is the planning time.  I need to plan my journey this time and not just go on it aomlessly. 


 I am struggling in my life and don't know ehere I am going.  I feel so guilty that I am frittering away my days and have no real purpose or vision.  Others come and have an idea to do something and in an hour have accomplished things that I am always talking about but never do.  I am not spending time with the Lordand on,t know Him by name.  How can I change? I feel I am hopeless and am ashamed to be me.

Sunday, 26 April 2015

His plans, my plans?

A quick blog after a gap but there are many things I need to think through for the near future.

Do I have a vision for my life?
If so what is it?
if not, why not?

What am I living for?

what drives and motivates me?

I have been with MBM for nearly 30 years
Is MBM my future?
If so in what way as it won't be led by Marilyn forever.
If not then what does God want me to do?

We don't have a van anymore and humanly some things seems to be winding down.  but are there things that God wants us or me to deveop? 

what place does writing have?
ministry to individuals?

how can I recognise that any seeming answers are actually from HHim and not just my imagination? 

more later !

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Tough questions

I have a friend who is virtually homeless.  Living in B and B at mo but nearly out of money.  Because he is an ex offender all doors seem to be closing to him acquiring accommodation or even help.  It is a dire situation and I feel a longing that there be more help and more answers for people in this situation.  He loves the Lord and really wants to make a new start in his life.  He is going to church and has lots of gifts and much to offer.  Yet he has a noose around his neck and can't escape from the restrictions and closed doors. In life it seems that someone is branded for life by the mistakes they have made but I know that when God looks upon this person He sees the righteousness of His own son Jesus.  How therefore do we see such people? I know I myself often run away from any involvement with people in such need and because of my own experiences of abuse can let my past hurts colour the way I react and choose to honor or dishonor others. I can so easily judge and think that a person is in a mess solely because of their own poor choices but if God viewed us like that and washed His hands of us, then NONE of us would experience salvation. 
What is the answer?  We do of course need to be wise, we need to have boundaries and safeguards in place as it would be a terrible to cause damage to vulnerable people by our actions....yet how can we ensure that while being wise we are also acting with mercy and justice? 
I am feeling sad deep down as life seems to be so tricky for some people.  God promises to bless us, to provide for us, to forgive us and to heal us.  He is a friend above all friends and knows our needs and cares deeply about them.  He says He will never leave us or forsake us and calls us to be a people who reach out to others with the same love that He has.  This is all wonderful and true and yet sometimes it can seem so difficult to understand why things are such a struggle for some people and what we can and should do about it?